Hoax Number 5 (a satire)

I usually avoid political commentary, but I love to write song satires when I feel inspired. Usually they’re not topical, but a Periscope video with Scott Adams recently mentioned what he considers the fifth major political news hoax. I heard this not long after hearing the song Mambo Number 5 on an oldies radio station. Hoax Number 5 clicked with me, so I went to work.

With a tip of the hat to Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays on Twitter), Lou Bega and his predecessors, I bring you the newsmen’s Hoax Number 5. Enjoy! (Sung to Mambo Number Five.)

Ladies and gentlemen, this is hoax number 5...

1,2,3,4,5
Everybody got the script?
So c’mon let’s lie, to the
Citizens down on Main Street
They say they need an anger fix
And we really don’t wanna

Tell truths, lose their eyeballs quick
News ain’t cheap and we need to bait clicks

There’s collusion, fine people, and lies about Kavanaugh
And as we continue we’ll shape the facts with chain saws

What can we say? We profit from Google ads
To us writing fiction just ain’t all that bad
Any lie’s fine, all bad’s good
Let me dump facts and write in some racists

(Chorus)
A great big dose of Russia on page one
More fake collusion all month long
Fine people hoax just won’t die
Though it’s been proven as a lie
Covington hoax didnt last too long
Antifa thugs go on and on
Everything Kavanaugh was a sham
A big dose of fear makes you my man

Hoax Number 5

Jump up and down and whine all night long,
Shake your fist in the air
We told you life ain’t fair
Take one jump left and one step down
One slippery slope, ‘til it all goes wrong
Rub your eyes once, rub your eyes twice
If it looks racist, then you're seeing it right

(Repeat Chorus)

Racists, the racists
Hoax Number Five

We profit as you, fall for fake news like humans do
You’re too dumb, you’re not bright
It not our fault racism seems a blight

Hoax Number 5
(It's the orange man's fault!)